Windows and Wallflowers—The Backstory

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36 NIV).

 *Wallflower--a flower symbolizing faithfulness in adversity.*

"I just want to be... normal."

That's what I said to myself more times than I could count. Problem was, what was normal? What I felt was that I was… peculiar.

And so, over the years, I found myself standing on tiptoe, looking in an imaginary window, seeing imaginary women going about their imaginary lives.

"So, that's what normal looks like."

Or so I thought. This went on for a long time until, one day, it was God who whispered,

"Return to the window."

What? Why would God ask me to return to a place of pain? A place where I felt left out? Where I was always on the outside looking in?

Still, I heard Him again...

"Return to the window."

And so, I obeyed. After all, I'd been spending more and more time with Him, was learning to hear His voice, learning to trust His heart by reading His Word, sitting still in His presence.

Once more, I returned to the window in my mind--stood on tiptoe and peered in. And there, again, were all those normal women doing their normal things, with me on the outside. But this time...

"Now, turn around."

What?

"Turn around."

God was serious. Funny thing? I'd never considered turning around when I stood at the window. What would He show me?

Slowly, in my mind, I turned to take a good look at what was behind me. And you know what? I saw a picture of...

Freedom.

Blue skies and butterflies. White clouds and green grass with daisies. All the things I loved were right there before me, the window now at my back, and God said,

"Run. Run with freedom."

And I did. With a butterfly net in one hand, I ran through rolling hills, leaving the window further and further behind.

“You are free in Me. No longer look to others to define your worth or tell you what's normal. Look to Me and run with freedom."

This happened more than thirty years ago. Although I'd been a Christian for many years prior, this was the pivotal moment when I truly took hold of my personal faith. And...

I've never been the same.

But God wasn't finished. In fact, He had more for me to learn, and He used the "window" vision two more times to further my ministry, help me better understand my focus.

The next time was in 2001. 

We were living in Indianapolis, and I was preparing to teach at a ladies' event. Taking a nap, I'd drifted to sleep with the question, What am I to say to these women? running through my mind.

"Return to the window."

I awoke with a start. What? It had been nearly ten years since I'd returned to this mental picture. What was God wanting to show me?

I obeyed, returning to the window. On tiptoe, that once familiar feeling of sadness washed over me as I saw women inside, each going about their lives.

"What kind of window are you looking in?"

Without hesitation, though I'd never acknowledged it before, I knew. Somehow, I'd always known

"A church window."

It was true. The panes I'd peered in all those times were stained glass, and the building was a house of worship.

"See? Those women, like you, often feel they don't fit in, like they're wallflowers. Though they wear bright Sunday-morning-smiles, they're insecure, often feeling left out as well."

And, once more, I knew. God was calling me to specifically minister to…

Christian women.

Even though there were times I'd speak to nonbelievers, I was to focus on those who had accepted Jesus but still struggled like I did--sometimes their struggle worsened because they bore the guilt of feeling like their faith in Christ should be enough.

I'm a Christian, so I shouldn't struggle?

• How many of us have ever asked that?

• Thought that?

From this experience, God helped me tailor my teaching--to help Christian women longing for further freedom from insecurity and loneliness. Yes--to reach those who feel like...

Wallflowers in fields of roses.

Then, several years later, in 2005--

"Return to the window."

This time, I sort of smiled. After all, I knew God was up to something.

I was in Charleston, SC with my husband for a work conference. Alone in our hotel room, I was having my quiet time when I heard God's voice, and I wondered--was He going to help answer a lingering question?

I'd been seeking Him regarding my path moving forward. We had two young sons at the time, and I was part of a women's discipleship ministry. Still, I longed to write more, perhaps speak more. But...

• What to write?

• To whom to speak?

So, when I heard God's voice, I couldn't help but hope He might offer answers to guide me in what to do.

Once again, I returned to the window, stood on tiptoe, and peered through stain-glass. There they were, those women inside the church, going about their business.

"Now, turn around."

Oh, wow! God hadn't asked me to do that in quite some time. But I obeyed, and once more--having done a 180--I saw blue skies and green grass, puffy clouds and butterflies.

And again, I ran--a butterfly net in hand. And God asked,

"But why the net?"

It was as if, with God's question, He was reading my mind, and so I, too, asked, "Good one, God. You tell me--why the net?"

I'd wondered, because--ironically--I'd never chase and catch butterflies. Those who did then pinned them to collection boards for display, something so far from my character it was funny to even consider.

I asked again--

"Why the net?"

And that's when He answered, solving a mystery so beautifully it brought me--brings me still--to tears.

"Just as I called twelve men to cast their nets and fish, though not merely for fish but for people, you, too, will use a net. And for what? For what reason?

I had to ponder a moment. I was chasing butterflies, but--more than an insect--butterflies represent new life. Freedom from captivity….

A new creation.

Aha! And as if reading my thoughts, God continued:

"Chasing butterflies with a net symbolizes you capturing 'new creations'--Christian women--for a moment in time; not to hold them in captivity, but, rather, to capture their attention. And you'll do that best with words--both spoken and written. Then, you're to set them free... to greater freedom.

As if God's words spoken to my heart weren't enough, right in that moment, something fell from my journal. I looked down on the carpeted hotel floor to find...

A butterfly net.

Pressed between contact paper, it was a simple craft one of our boys had created months prior in Sunday School, and, again, I smiled.

How like God!

I feverishly scribbled all this down in my journal, so excited to share it with Bill when he returned. And then, two days later, when we arrived home to North Carolina, there was a package waiting for me.

I tore it open. A gift from a dear friend, it was a Willow Tree figurine--a woman holding a book. But... how could she know.

Truth is, she didn't. But God did, and He used this treasure to further affirm His plans for me--that which He would have me do.

I was to write a book.

He would give me words to write, words to speak--a message to capture the attention of others (namely, women) that they might be set free...

To greater freedom.

And though it would be another twenty years before my debut novel, Gideon's Book, would be born, I know without doubt--

It arrived in God's perfect timing. Yes...

For such a time as this (Esther 4:14)!

And may it be so!

Kind Father, thank You for specifically guiding us into the plans and purposes You have for us, for Your glory and the good of others. Amen.

For Discussion:

 1) Has God redeemed something difficult in your life, showing You His plans and purposes despite pain you've experienced? 

2) How has God made beauty from your brokenness? 

3) Like the wallflower, how have you--with God's enabling power--been faithful, even in adversity? 

4) Do you have a "window" into which you look? Might God be saying, "Turn around"?

 O, beautiful, wonderful Wallflower...

Come to the window and see

You--yes, YOU!—are…

Free!