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Here, on the 19th day of the first month of the new year, I’ve just finished my first book of 2022, the historical novel Two from Galilee–The Story of Mary and Joseph by Marjorie Holmes.
This is a reread for me, as are some of the other books I’ve chosen for these 365 days. I read it nearly a lifetime ago it seems–when I was a college freshman, single and unaware of the twists and turns that lay ahead of me on life’s journey, still standing on the threshold of adulthood, not yet having stepped through that doorway.I remember weeping in my quiet dorm room at Asbury College when I came to the part where the angel of the Lord overshadows a teenage girl, when she becomes miraculously pregnant by God. As Holmes so poignantly portrays–
When I first read those words, I did not yet know the joys and trials of marriage. I did not know the coming hardship of infertility–could not foresee the barren years that lay ahead. But I loved the Lord, and these words touched me to my core. I remember thinking, Imagine. To say ‘Yes’ to God, to trust Him enough, knowing the persecution that would come. The questions that were sure to follow. The judgment that would certainly be passed. And I remember, too, feeling a sense of longing–to experience life stirring within, believing every life to be a miracle. One day, I told myself. One day you’ll also know the joy of pregnancy, though in no miraculous manner as Mary experienced. Yes, this part of Holmes’ book particularly moved me then, and I remember it still, all these years later.Reading Two from Galilee again, however, I was emotionally stirred in other ways, by other parts of this beautiful story–probably because I’m not a young, unwed woman of eighteen but a 52-year old mother and grandmother. Thus, Marjorie’s words–her themes, three in particular–moved me differently.
Although I thought I’d bear children like most women when I read her book the first time, carrying a baby in my womb was not to be. Still, I experienced the joy of becoming a parent in God’s perfect manner–through the adoptions of our three children. Thus, Bill and I both came to know even better what it must have been like for Joseph–to have been chosen to be Jesus’s adoptive father, which is no small matter.As Joseph says near the end of the story, when Jesus has just been born and the reality of his place, his noble position, as God’s Son’s earthly father–
This part moved me so, even more than when I read these words before–mostly because I now understand this in my heart. Just as God chose Jospeh to be Jesus’s daddy, so, too, He chose Bill to be our children’s earthly daddy, me their earthly mother. What a blessing! What a gift!
Of course I couldn’t foresee my own–my many–shortcomings as a mom when I read Two from Galilee all those years ago. On the contrary, I’m quite sure I had lofty notions about how I’d be the perfect mother one day.Many of us know. Nothing humbles us more then, well… being a mother. I know that now, all too well. How I react impatiently. Over talk. Fall short. Fail to say the right things. Fail by saying the wrong things. I could go on…I recently rewatched the 1983 movie Terms of Endearment (which I don’t recommend without a box of tissues). Though I’d seen this film years ago when I was a teenager, and though I’d cried buckets from the sheer agony portrayed by Debra Winger’s character, I was especially moved this time while watching a particular scene called “Emma’s Goodbyes.” Here, a dying mother tries to convince her angry child that she believes he loves her, that he never has to wonder or worry. I remember thinking, This scene is particularly painful to me now because I am a mother. I better understand Emma’s pain in my heart, how difficult it must be to have to say goodbye–to want to say it all before time runs out, to want to say it right.Similarly, when I read the part in Two from Galilee where Mary’s mother Hannah finally realizes she truly does believe her daughter’s words–that she is indeed carrying within her womb the long-awaited Messiah–it’s too late. Mary has left with her husband Joseph for Bethlehem, and Hannah has lost her opportunity to share with her daughter that she, too, believes. Holmes portrays this poignantly, and my mother’s heart understood. Reminded of the prophecy that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem, this truth suddenly hits Hannah.
Some things–certain emotions–we just can’t fathom, feel in our hearts, until we’ve experienced them for ourselves. This mother’s love for her daughter, the missed opportunity to share in the miracle due to disbelief, could only be felt in my own heart in this manner because I, too, have had times too many to count when I’ve failed. When I’ve panicked, thinking I won’t have an opportunity to make things right. When I’ve stumbled on words in my attempt to help a child understand. When I’ve laid awake at night, fitful and afraid, fretting over a missed opportunity.
We all want the best for our children, our grandchildren. And if we’re honest, we desire to help God’s best along, which, too often, becomes meddling. Right? Am I the only one who thinks I know best? But God’s plan may or may not look like my own. In fact, most often His plan looks a whole lot different, though it’s so much better, even when it’s painful.Mary and Jospeh both had to face–had to live with–the reality of their son’s purpose, something that undoubtedly caused anguish. Enough to pierce his mother’s heart, as the scriptures tell us.Marjorie Holmes beautifully portrays this, and the message–though certainly unique for Messiah–is for all parents: We must trust the Lord with our children. She writes–
And so true for us, moms. Dads. Grand parents. This is both our joy and our sorrow–the beauty and the anguish of loving another so much, yet having to hold him or her loosely before the One who loves our little ones (no matter how old) the most.After all, that love–His love–was so great that…
Amen!
